10•10•20; late afternoon

For 16 years you were there,
and then you were explosive,
and then–poof,

gone. Not gone like now,
but absent from my life
after 16 years.

And then for
9 years you were
on the outs.

Now you are
really gone,
no risk

of seeing you at any
drive-thru or stoplight.
It’s weird to think

you no longer
exist out there,
no longer roaming

with a certain
chaotic energy
that lent itself

to a lack of
trust, and towering
secrecy and paranoia.

I don’t
know how to
feel now

that you no
longer exist
in the same

way that
you always have,
even after

you were gone,
the first
time.

It’s a weird
thing to have
never said

Goodbye, but
I know
I would’ve

never had
the chance,
anyway.