digital collage by caylie hausman

unKnotted (Reading 03/21)

You were one Knot
in a string
of losses,

not the first,
but a big knot
to be sure.

from the moment my sight left,
to the moment my heart left,
to the moment my conscience

left

these duties
in other people,
and what I realized

in the process
was you had to leave,
because you could only be

one person–not Three.

I tend to find
my responsibilities in
other people,

(create them
pedestals out of
cardboard lying about)

not in a way I’ve ever found
notable,
before.

I think you were One

that became more like

Three–

my sun,
my moon,
my stars.

Oh to be young
again,
and drunk on the porch

in the
back
of a bar.

Not a care in the world
because I decidedly want
to look carefree–

all the cares in the world
because deep down, I ache
to be Betty:

“You’re so
profoundly
sad.”

(Oh to be so sad as to be described as profound.)

Somewhere
along the way
you become

what you play.

Not exactly Betty,
but somewhere in-between

us. Hunting again
for the soul that
sees
me..

but knot
for the
Three

that have come before…

One can only
understand things
at the shallowest

depths, before realizing
they were in an ocean
upside down.

Washed ashore,
coarse
and sandy–

It’s a funny feeling
to find yourself,
no where and every where

new.

(Seemingly by
chance–but never
randomly.)

When the lessons
have a parable

to accompany their
fate–the world reads
more easily on what to do.

It’s a little less tense,
a sense of balance
emerges when the Universe

lets you know
you’re in surge,
not delay.

I’ve stopped
trying to unknot the old
string in my spare time–

I made a fresh cut
and started a new line,
there will be tangles to be sure

but they will all
be mine;

Spring has arrived, birds are chirping, flowers are blossoming, and the hums of people are coming

from each side of my apartment–a sure fire sign hibernation is done and we’re all out to play, just like the birds

that keep chirping after winter. When you feel new and the world looks new, things feel aligned and you’re glad you’ve pushed through–

accepted the old,
ready to lean into

The New.

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